I have a place. I don't know if many of you know that or if I even know it sometimes but every month I pay money to have my own little place. We stay at Shay's house most of the time. His house has a t.v. and there's air conditioning and it's not my place. His house has our cave and in the corner I have a duffel bag that contains most of my closet, a small chunk of my makeup, a hairbrush, contact case, and tooth brush. I always thought I couldn't be the girl that would be able to fit her whole life in one bag but that's what I became. One bag, simple. done. sweet.
Every morning though, I have a place. I go home when Shay leaves for work and have my first cup of coffee from the coffee machine in the corner of my place. I know it's silly, I know it seems a bit strange but those slow morning moments every once in a while make having that space worth it every month. When I first moved in, I was baffled with decorating. I always dreamt of an area to completely own and then I realized filling spaces takes years of patience and so I waited for my home to grow.
I think the point of this story is because I bought a mirror. A beautiful round old gold mirror. I went to Good Will yesterday to buy a purse and found another mirror there too. My home now has five mirrors when a month ago it only had two. I tried taking a photo of it but it's tricky to do and the morning hours are dark and harsh to come through. But there's a mirror sitting on a desk in a home I see for a few hours every week.
My home. My space. My place.
It's been a while. It's mid October and it's windy outside. We're renting a car this Friday and then Saturday we're heading back up to the cabin at Bass Lake. Shay's mom and Rob are driving up Friday and his brother, Jesse and his wife, Jill with their two nuggets Shayne and Rory are coming up too. Skye and Chance will be there with us again but this time a third member is joining them. Skye's pregnant and they're expecting a little baby boy by the end of the year.
I'm still here. I still see sunsets and dream of traveling to photograph the world. I find myself caring less and less about having people like me and more about liking myself. I'm more opinionated and less of a people pleaser but I still have a tendency of putting things off or running away. I'm human and growing up and I'm learning to like who I'm becoming to be.
I'm progressing, a work with eraser shavings and sweaty palm smudges.
I'm a pencil outline of a person afraid to commit anything to ink.
livingmemories Monday, August 29, 2016
Things have been good lately, improvingly better. I won't lie and say that I'm not far more cautious of enjoying the excitement of life because I'm skeptical of losing happiness again but I'm trying not to overthink and just let it be. The weekend was easy and simple and nice. I'd made a mini goals list at the beginning of last week and one of my goals was to photograph something fun and unique. Saturday rolled around and it was lazy and passed too soon. Our Sundays are usually very lax and we try not to juggle too much or make a hullabaloo. Every Sunday we wake up early, drive to Starbucks where I get my coffee and Shay's tea and then we go off to hike at the same place down this road called Yosemite. We've literally walked this trail every weekend for a few months now. It's easy, we know how far to go to get enough steps and we tend to walk quietly, both of us rapped in our own little heads. We walked to our normal gate and sat and rested for a quick sec and then made our way back down that same little path.
As we were nearing a turn and the sun light hit the corner, Shay and I both stopped staring straight at a large brown bull. Now, if we were to live anywhere else this might have been common or nothing special in fact but we live in Southern California where the trails are dry and desert ridden. We have to pay to see farm animals at petting zoos, in fact. So when we came around the turn and these big wide eyes were staring back, I figured I must simply be going mad.
Next thing I know Shay's holding my hand and I realize he's seen the bull too. He whispers to walk back slowly and as we begin to retreat, suddenly we look around and find about ten or twenty more cattle just as big. Now at this point, I'm just laughing because what in the world, what a sight! As we begin walking backwards, the bull happily follows thinking we're leading it our way. Shay stops and we back up and the cows look at us and simply say hey and then as we stop and stare a herd just walks past and goes on their way. It was the most entertaining nonchalant exchange I've ever had in my life and I couldn't stop laughing at the irony of the entire fact. They had no owner, they had no certain way, we just experienced a bunch of wild cows walk past us and everything was ok. The one time I'm not carrying my camera of course this happens too but I clicked a few on my iPhone that I'll have to laugh and reminisce over too.
Funniest little moment with a bull on a simple Sunday's end of the week.